“Like many fetishes, his […] is most likely a subconscious, erotic response to a sexually charged fear. While most of us learn to live with and occasionally conquer our fears without eroticizing them, a number of us respond to sexual fears or traumas by incorporating them into our erotic imaginations. Think of women — hip, together, progressive, feminist women — who act out rape fantasies; think of homos — hip, together, out homos — who dress up like soldiers, cops, firemen, and other stereotypically violent homophobes.
“Women fear rape, yet some develop a fetish for it. Gay men fear violent homophobes, yet some dress up like violent homophobes. And what do many straight men fear? Being cheated on, of course, and dealing with that particular brand of sexual humiliation. Your boyfriend has, consciously or subconsciously, eroticized his fears around your cheating on him”